A Feud With Myself.

 

I am having a feud- against myself. Perhaps I should call it a delusion? In my head I am so much cooler then I am in my real life. I think I have this version of me in my head that I cant (or am too lazy) to actually make into reality.  This woman in my head is awesome. She has her shit together. This woman excels at time management, patience and being fucking awesome. She likes to have fun, is up for anything, has no fear, is secure in herself, is positive and friendly. This woman can cook, craft, do yoga, write, engage in thoughtful discussion, has fabulous beachy waves, a couple new tattoos and a pulled-together boho style with funky stacked jewelry.

My real-life self is a bit jealous of this fantasy version that my head has conjured. But, I am also fairly sure that with enough exercise, sleep, time and perseverance, I could become this person that my head seems to be nudging me towards. What is that stupid saying? The journey of a lifetime starts with a single step? I don’t know, something like that…but, I suppose its true. One step at a time, one day at a time…the whole tortoise and the hare idea; slow and steady wins the race. Yes. That is so true- I am very slow. I suppose lazy might even be the appropriate word. Ugh, that makes me sad to even type, but it’s the truth. I am lazy and tired. I think it may just be par for the course while you have little people that require so much attention. I require a lot of sleep, down time and the chance to hear silence. I crave the sound of silence. I crave the ability to be left with my own thoughts without the banter of a 4-year old or the insistent chatter and whine of a toddler.

Ah, I know. I shouldn’t make excuses. There are plenty of women out there that  have twice as many kids and twice as much productivity. I have seen enough mom blogs on Facebook and pins on Pinterest to know that there is a pretty amazing group of ladies making shit happen! I want to make shit happen! But, currently I am sitting at my computer in the playroom guzzling coffee while the kiddos fight over a light up ball and (continuously) beg for snacks. (What is it with “snacks”?? Seriously? I just gave you breakfast, and now you are still hungry for snacks??)

I will throw my thoughts out into the universe and hope that some come true by sheer will of osmosis…or accident or maybe kismet. Baby steps, right? One day at a time. I will consider today the day I was honest with myself and put my goals out there…tomorrow I stack some bracelets. Shut it, I said baby steps. I need more sleep to figure out how to make fabulous beachy waves a reality.

My inspiration goals in photos: