So sitting down to write this (again) has forced me to reflect on this year. I've got to say, 2013 has been pretty kind to me. Shocking at times and a little hurtful but not my worst year by a long shot.
I was blessed near the beginning of the year with finding a second job (a full time 8-5 big kid job). Maybe you think that is not so exciting, but for a single mother it was such a blessing. I went from being a waitress (do not misunderstand, I LOVE my waitressing gig) and having to shuffle my daughter from house to house for babysitters (we would stay where ever she fell asleep) every night to being on a consistent schedule. For the first time in my daughters' life she was getting up to eat, play, and sleep in the same place and at the same time every day...and you know what she LOVED it. She became a way more balanced, happy, and well behaved kid within a week or two! AMAZING! We were able to move into a 2 bedroom apartment (my daughter has her own room for the first time EVER). We fell into the routine of Mommy cooking dinner every night and working on the weekends. Lelah loves spending time with my Aunt, Uncle, and parents (tag team babysitter group) so that I can still work on the weekends. Yep, you know what that means! Built in grownup time! I have been a waitress at the same restaurant for 5 years now (I love it just as much now as when I first started- if not more). I get to see/work with my friends and see my regular customers...life is grand.
About half way through the year, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. It was a shock... although looking back now I am seeing more red flags. Going through the breakup has been the best (and steepest) learning curve since becoming a parent.I have not ever care for someone like I did for him nor have I ever been in a relationship that lasted that long either (he had everyone else beat by a solid year and a half). I learned more about myself and more about the people around me through this experience than I ever thought possible. I am not upset about us breaking up. I don't miss "us" or "how it was." I am mad that I felt as though my self-esteem had been shattered like there was something wrong with me or that I would never be good enough for anyone. The idea that one person had that control over me was sickening. It has taken me months to figure out that there was ABSOLUTLEY nothing I could have done differently. If you are not meant to be with someone. then you just aren't. We weren't meant to be. And, you know what? Because of this, I am a stronger and more independent woman! So I guess there is some gratitude that goes with breakups...who knew!?
2013 has been great and I honestly would not change a thing. I have the most incredible daughter in the world, a home filled with love, and two amazing jobs where I work with a lot of truly incredible people. So here's to our children, our goals, our happiness, and the crap situations we are constantly learning from!
If you are still reading, thank you, and I hope it wasn't too painful. :)
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