Surprise Birthday Gift

My husband gave me my birthday present a day early. It is a viola. I played the viola for three years (in 5^th- 7^th grade) and I was awful. Truly, I wasn’t very good. I once made it all the way up to 2^nd chair. We were tested on California Girls, the Beach Boys song, and apparently everyone else must have been suffering from the flu, because I made it to the front. The ONLY time I made it to the front. Ever. Mainly because I never practiced, couldn’t figure out vibrato and I didn’t really care. Oh, and my teacher kept making me cut my nails, which always pissed me off…

I guess a couple years ago I had made a comment about how I wished that I could still play the viola. In the last year or so I had talked seriously about learning how to play the bass. This guy in my orchestra class in junior high played bass, and I had such a crush on him. It always looked cool and you got to play the bass guitar too!! I would love that. I even found a tutor and was going to  take lessons over the summer. This summer didn’t play out quite like I thought it was going to, so…anyways.

I get home from work last night and Jeff is so excited for me to open my gift. It came in weeks ago, before Christmas, and he has been waiting for the moment I can open it. I hear the click of the latches on the case and open my eyes…Apparently I didn’t have the right reaction because my dear, sweet, thoughtful husband was crushed. He was so excited about this gift and I ruined it. I am awful. I was surprised to see a viola in front of me on the bed. I had been talking about playing the bass, I was kind of confused but very touched. The look on my face however, must have just conveyed confused- not touched.

This is the great thing about my husband. He buys/gets/does things that I would never do, things I talk about but would never spend the time, energy or money on- like the viola. I would love to play again. I would talk about wanting to play, blog about wanting to learn again, and then I never would have the follow through to actually get the instrument. This is where Jeff excels. He is a “live in the moment” kind of guy. He has little patience and thrives on immediate gratification. He always tells me we can “worry about it later”. He gives me the freedom to do things that I would never do. He encourages me to splurge on the watch that I have been eying,  buys me the coat I have pinned on Pinterest. The coat I have NO business buying (a mom of two cannot ever wear a gorgeous white coat), but I love it. I didn’t think you could ever love a coat, but you can. He made me race super-fast go-karts, he made me take a last minute trip to California when I didn’t think we could ever find someone to watch the kids, he gets me a new NOOK because the screen on my old one (which I insisted was still fine) scratched up and secretly bothered the hell out of me. Jeff is good at making me stop calculating, stop planning, stop wishing, and just do it.

He reminds me a lot of my dad. My Dad would always tell me to “feel the fear and do it anyways.”  

Thank you, Jeff, for reminding me to DO IT, to stop over-thinking, stop questioning, stop stalling and just fucking do it already.

xoxo

Christmas in September

I don’t like the holidays, let me just get that out there. Last year I wrote THIS blog entitled Bah Humbug outlining the top 5 reasons that I hate the holidays. I still feel this way and I am super pissed off that I just saw a commercial that referenced the “holiday season” in SEPTEMBER! No, no, no. It is not the holiday season. The “holiday season” doesn’t begin until November. Let us freaking get through the hectic "back 2 school "transition and buy our costumes and candy for Halloween before we dive head first into ugly jingle sweaters and pine scented plastic trees.

Ella is four and a half this Christmas season, which means that she is in full present/Santa/Elf/decorate a tree/snowball fight mode. Simple said, she will finally “get” it. Jeff will be the very happiest this year. He is a Christmas fanatic. Before we were married he made us leave milk and cookies out for Santa and track his path on Santa radar. (I also had to get up in the middle of the night and throw out the now-warm milk and chunk the cookies into the nether regions of the freezer so they wouldn’t be spied exposing my secret….dont tell Jeff, he may be crushed.)

Last year, the whole Elf on a Shelf nonsense didn’t go over very well. Ella didn’t really care and we lost interest. (Click HERE to see the Elf shenanigans)  

In fact, we didn’t even spend the money (why is that string bean of an Elf so damn expensive??) and used a Elmo Elf that we had received the year before. Honestly though, the whole idea super fucking creeps me out. We tell our kids that a mythical Elf is watching over them to report back to Santa??

Yeah, I am sorry, if you guys are pissed off about the NSA then you should not be encouraging “the man” to keep watch over your kids during the holiday season.  I know, I know, it’s supposed to be an incentive to keep your kids on their best behavior (which I am all for, I am not against bribes. The promise of fruit snacks got me through Ella’s terrible twos) however, the idea of a fat man coming down the chimney bringing presents because his super creepy elf was watching you all season…I don’t know. It’s all too much.

I want to enjoy the leaves changing color, scare some trick-or-treaters, cook a turkey, dress all snazzy for some holiday parties, open some pj’s on Christmas Eve, and then we can talk about Santa and all his creepy, breaking-an-entering antics. Let’s slow down. One thing at a time. It’s still September after all...

Let’s make a deal. I will promise to be less of a Grinch if we can all agree to take one holiday at a time. I may even get my own Elf on a Shelf…he may be creepy, but I could use the leverage with the tiny maniacs over here. (Can I borrow $30? I should have just coughed up the dough when he was on sale after Christmas last year.)

Xoxo

P.S. I know there were an awful lot of parenthesis in this little blog.  I am toying with the idea of footnotes, maybe? I don’t know, what do you think?

Merry Effing Christmas

I am sure that after a previous post entitled Bah-Humbug, you assumed that I had given up on the holidays, drawing the shades and refusing to decorate the tree…but, you are wrong. I have womaned up and embraced the damn holiday season. To get myself in the right frame of jolly tidings we decorated the tree while listening to the ONLY acceptable Christmas music: Michael Buble. I hung stockings on the mantle with care, in hopes that St. Nick would soon be there…oh, and SPOILER ALERT: St. Nick doesn’t really come, its mommy working her ass off to create the magic of the holiday season. So, just in case you were ready to take my children and head for the North Pole, here is a little peek in to our very own Winter Wonderland:

Our Christmas tree. There are more borwn paper packages tied up with string now, but you get the idea. Oh, its also 1 1/2ft off the ground and has been excellent at thwarting tiny abusive hands.

Stockings are hung by the chimney with care. I am still unhappy with the stocking choices and need to commission the amazing cable-knit stockings in my head.

I am a big fan of my silver sparkle decorations.

A Pinterest project still in progress.

My sweet pea and the crown from her Christmas cracker.

Proof we have friends.

Holiday flowers, sprinkled with glitter and nestled in silver ornaments. See- I am one festive lady.

 

Hope you have a very Merry Holiday!

 

xoxo

 



 

Elmo on a Shelf

Elmo the Elf has come to our house again. Two Christmases ago we received him from Jeff’s mom and Ella fell in love. I decided that he was as good as any “Elf on a shelf” and he didn’t cost me $30, so it was a win-win. I have since decided that he is too bulky and heavy to accomplish all the silly missions that I had cleverly stolen from Pinterest.  Jeff and I were pretty good about moving that damn Elf around for the first week, but then laziness took over and we haven’t moved it since…oops. Its ok, Ella didn’t seem to mind. Here are a couple pictures of our Elmo on a Shelf shananagans:

 



See, I am festive! Sort of. Ok, festive with extreme minimal effort. Happy Holidays!

xoxo

Bah-humbug.

 

 

It the most wonderful time of the year…my ass. I am just not a fan of the holidays, more specifically Christmas. Thanksgiving is ok. Its not that I am impervious to the smell of blue spruce or the twinkling of lights or the jingling of bells and the added pep in ones step; I just don’t subscribe to the magical nature of the season.

1.       I am not religious. Therefore the “Jesus is the reason for the Season” and “Keep the Christ in Christmas” yard signs just don’t resonate with me. If Jesus is the reason for the season, then why so much emphasis on a big fat man in a plush red suit, or a reindeer with a glowing nose, or that damn Toys R’ Us catalogue?? I am confused. Did two holidays get all mixed and mashed up in one? It’s a birthday party and EVERYONE gets presents!?

2.       This brings me to presents…the very bane of my holiday existence. I like pretty things, I like giving pretty things and I like receiving pretty things. I like to see a HUGE smile sweep across my daughter’s face as she opens a gift that she has been nagging and pleading coveting. I like to surprise my husband with a perfectly thoughtful gift that he didn’t even know he wanted. I like splurging on a weird gift for my dad, or a funky piece of jewelry for a friend. I like hunting for the perfect gift for my mother-in-law. I do not, however, like being MANDATED  to buy everyone a freaking gift just because convention and the “magic of the season” dictates that I do so. And now, it seems it can’t just be one gift, there must be several gifts exchanged. It’s all too much.

3.       Too many traditions, too little time. OMG. My husband is a holiday traditionalist. If we do something one year, we must do it every year or risk ruining a tradition…its exhausting. Growing up, Christmas was a truly magical time of year for his family. They LOVED the pomp and circumstance, the decorations, the baking, the giving and receiving of gifts. 30 years later, I have acquired a Christmas torch that I am just not worthy of carrying. It too heavy. Too monumental. Too much history is in this torch and quite frankly, I cannot live up to the magic that this torch requires. I try my best throughout the season to continue old traditions and create new traditions that work with our new little family, but find myself continually falling short. If there are 20 traditions and I drop ONE ball, it ruins the holiday thus negating the other 19 things I worked my ass off to create. Its stressful, exhausting, and quite frankly I can’t make anyone happy.

4.       The consumerism of it all…can we say complete over consumption of things we do not need?? I mean seriously. We are not a “toy” house. We are not overflowing with gizmos and gadgets and lights and whistles and bins of shit that are never opened. We have a couple amazingly loved toys that make Ella happy for hours. Her favorite: A 1980’s Fisher-Price Family House with all the accessories, a baby doll, and another set of 1980’s playground dolls passed down to her from a family friend. That’s it. She LOVES them. I love that she is so creative in her play and can be so immersed in the world she has created. I don’t need more clutter. In fact, I love the idea of boxing up old toys and donating them to a women’s shelter. We are starting that this year and Ella is excitedly collecting toys that she wants to donate for other kids to enjoy. She makes my heart happy with her kind and generous spirit.

 

My sweetpea last year when she fell in love.

 

5.       My holiday season would be perfect if I could collect all my family and friends from all corners of the US and bring them together for the day. I LOVE my family. All of them. Even the crazy ones, the stubborn ones, the type-A ones, the young ones, the old ones and even the bible-beaters. They all have a special place in my heart and have helped shaped me. I am so very thankful for the lessons, the stories, the guidance, the support and the love…the intangible GIFTS that each person in my life has given me. These are the gifts that I feel so very grateful for. I feel blessed beyond measure and do not need any amount of stocking stuffers to prove my love. I would rather spend money on plane tickets to connect with each other in person, perhaps over a pitcher of margaritas -not on gadgets and gizmos. I am grateful for all the people in my life and for the time, thoughts and money they put into gifts for the season, but I find it unnecessary. Just knowing I have the love, support and friendship is more than I could ever dream of. Thank you for all those people in my life- I love you all. Oh, and keep a look out for the UPS guy, your Christmas presents will arrive shortly.

xoxo

Day of the Dead Fest

We had THE BEST time in our little town this past weekend. We went to a childrens carnival at the local rec center, filled with games, bounce houses, costumes and LOTS and LOTS of candy. A three year old and a couple Twizlers and you are talking sugar-induced meltdown at some point, but luckily the kiddos held it together...mostly. Some friends met us out at the Day of The Dead Festival later that afternoon and we ran into a couple of friends along the way. The kids were happy to be dressed up, the parents were happy to have a couple cold beers and an awesome time was celebrated by all. So very thankful for great friends, cold beer and a town with fun festivals.

xoxo

 

 

 

An unlikely friendship: The Mermaid and the Superhero

Vivi Cakes!

Vietnamese Elvis!

So glad you beautiful ladies made it out!

Yes, thats a baby bottle...at a bar. But, it doesnt count. The draft house has a huge ouside patio with picnic tables and lawn games. So, its more like a backyard and less like an inappropriate place to take your kids...right?

Superheros fuel up on tamales. Other little known superhero fact.

Mini Van!

2 Cool 2 B 4gotten.

Tuckered out.

Birthday Parties are Boring.

Wowza! 3 months until Ella turns the big T-W-O! Its time to start planning another birthday party! We had a margarita machine last year at Ella's 1st birthday party, and while I feel all the adults had a pretty awesome time, I did feel a bit of judgment for having alcohol at a kids party. So, listen here squares...

CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE BORING!!!

Terribly, painfully, excruciatingly boring. I dont care how "fun" you think that you are making your party...they are boring. The kids dont really care (until they are older) and no one loves to ooohhh and ahhhhh over plastic kids toys that light up and make noise and are supposed to enhance a child's learning ability. There are unruly children running to and fro, sippies are being spilled, cake icing is staining the faces of little kids on a sugar-high, snacks are being ground into the carpet...it is mass chaos.
Maybe I don't like children enough, maybe I enjoy a party with some cocktails a bit too much, but (as Oprah says) this I know for sure: If I am going to force my friends and family to come over and celebrate a 2 year old's birthday, I had better make it worth their while. (You're welcome)
I guess I equate it to a wedding. You ask people to come celebrate your milestone and to bring you presents, so in return you host a party with dancing, food and (hopefully) an open bar. Its like saying, "thank you for your participation in an event celebrating myself". I just want to make sure that people have a good time. I don't want them leaving, saying, wow, what a waste of my afternoon.
Thats where the margaritas come into play. Everyone likes margaritas! Or at least they like the idea that margaritas conjure in their mind. Its vivid imagery of beaches, chips and salsa, vacations, Cinco de Mayo, salt and lime...good times with great friends. And that's the same feeling that I want our birthday party guests to leave with...good times!
So, I suppose I will tone down this years festivities. Maybe just a keg or two and a beer pong table. Kidding...sort of.

Note: I also feel this way about baby showers, bridal showers, and most Pampered Chef parties. Life is short folks, let loose.

2nd Note: Monique and Holly, I am not talking about your parties. I love your kids and would sit through anything for those adorable little people. Well, most anything. :)

xoxo