Passionate

I have had an epiphany. I haven’t been to my therapist in over 4 months, so this one is all my own…I have found my passion.

Life.

Super fucking corny, right?

I blah-blah-blahed all about this “lack of passion” for the past two years. Wah wah wah…I have no sense of self, no definition, no hobby. Well, guess what? I am done. I am over it. I have come to a slow coming realization that perhaps life is my passion.

That sounds weird, doesn’t it?

I stay home with the kids, do laundry, occasionally clean, grocery shop, help out at school and bartend for some extra cash. It’s not glamorous. It’s not even noteworthy, but it’s ok. I like piece-working my life together with lots of different scraps. My kaleidoscopic quilt of collected fabrics held together by some rickrack and embroidery thread. It is funky and fun and kind of obnoxious. The pieces don’t quite fit together perfectly, there are a couple loose seams, a few errant threads, maybe a worn spot or two, but there is room to grow, improve, and add on. My quilt is infinite and always available for possible revisions. My quilt is forgiving and perfect in its imperfections.

So, maybe I didn’t have to find a passion. Maybe it wasn’t a hobby that I was searching for. It was simply a passion for life that was missing, not a job or a career path. I wasn’t looking for a music lesson or a painting class…

I needed a passion to live my own life. I was missing a zest for living.

 

New Year: 2014.

I have no New Year Resolution. I don’t keep them, I don’t remember them, I simply don’t have willpower or drive. (Although NYE ’06 I decided to quit smoking and have not picked up a cigarette since…so there is that) Otherwise, I am not to be trusted.

This year, I want to challenge myself to selfishness. That sounds awful, right? I am challenging myself to be more selfish. Please don’t misunderstand, I am no martyr, I just don’t do much for myself. I am definitely working on it, and this past summer’s completely disastrous clusterfuck gave me true perspective. Jeff has a passion for his job, I have my sweet babies all day, but I see this faint light. A little beacon in the distance, like the blinking of a lighthouse on the opposite shore. But, I SEE IT.

I am going to enroll in something. I don’t know quite what yet, but something that I have to pay for and has a beginning and ending time. Something that will hold me accountable. Something that I can not just blow off. I want something that will bring me out of my comfort zone.

Here are my possible ideas:

1.     Gym membership. Get my ass in gear. Seriously, I would have a whole new wardrobe if I would just lose 20 lbs. Maybe I can even figure out what the hell “spinning” is or “burpies” (sounds gross)? It seems all the cool kids are doing it. Oh, or that acrobatic thing with the sheets on a rope and you swing around all Cirque-like! THAT. I want to do that.

2.     Improv classes. Talk about out of my comfort zone. I have a best friend that teaches/preforms improv in Dallas and he agrees that I should take the leap and sign up for classes. They don’t have any that work with my schedule this upcoming session, but I have been rolling this idea around for a while.

3.     Dance classes. Anyone that knows me knows that I DO NOT DANCE. Ever. Maybe once. But not often, and never sober. Ever. I am awful. Awkward. Off beat. Self-conscious. It’s the worst. I have asked Jeff to take a couples class with me. He agreed! I need to find one that happens on our date nights…solidarity in bad dancing commence!

4.      Master Gardner classes. I remember my mom taking hundreds of hours of classes at the extension service putting in all her volunteer credits. It was intensive to say the least. Well, shit, nevermind. They are all full for the 2014 class. Nevermind. Good, it sounded like too much of a commitment anyways.

5.      Sell Something? All of these people are hosting jewelry/makeup/Tupperware/lifestyle stuff…in home, pyramid-scheme-ish things. Some people seem to do really well and go on vacations and get cars! I could do that, maybe. But, I would have to really believe in the product. I don’t know, seems like a gimmick. Maybe not. I don’t know, maybe. (Can you tell that I am really on the fence about the whole thing?)

6.      Start a Club. I know, I know, I have talked about this before. A monthly book club. What is that quote? We are a wine club with a book problem? Something like that. I would have to read at least a book a month…and Jeff did get me a new NOOK since my screen got all nicked. (I never got a case for it…oops. Moral of the story: get a case for your reader)

7.       Join a writing group. I am sure there are some out there, right? Will they make me write? I need someone to hold my feet to the fire!

8.       Enroll in SMU Writers Path classes. I am going to ask for this for my birthday. I had planned on taking them over the summer and, well, I was a bit busy with the complete upheaval of my life.

Four Sounds

NPR was doing this segment called “What 31 sounds like”. I only caught one of the snip its, but basically they asked a bunch of 31 year olds to pick 4 sounds that best encapsulate their lives at the age of 31. I don’t remember what his sounds were, but I am sure they were poetic and lovely. Here are mine:

1.       Yelling. All kinds of yelling. Happy yelling, sad yelling, frustrated mom yelling, tattling on your brother yelling, “watch me mom” yelling, don’t run into the street yelling, overtired screaming and crying yelling, and the occasional public meltdown yelling (the kids, not me, thankfully)

2.       Dora the Explorer. The kids both freaking love that spunky little Latina! Honestly, as long as it isn’t the little douchebag Caillou, I don’t care.

3.       The Big Bang Theory opening song. Jeff makes me sing it every time we watch the show. In fact, if I don’t sing the song he rewinds the show and makes a pouty face until I do sing it. It’s a thing we do. We have “our shows” that we like to watch together every week. It’s the one night that we get to just relax and cuddle on the couch laughing at our favorite programs. Yes, we call them programs. It makes us feel classy and old-timey, like a 50’s tv show couple.

4.       Buzzing. I have a love/hate relationship to the buzzing. It means there is an email/text on our phones. On Jeff’s phone, it’s damn near constant. All. The. Freaking. Time. Holy crap. Work emails, push notifications, twitter alerts, mass family texts during Bears games…all the time. I don’t have nearly the same amount of responsibility, so I get far fewer buzzes. Honestly, I would love to institute Cell phone free times or something. I think that technology is the worst time sucker and distractor from the joys of real life ever. (I say as I write this on a lap top while my Facebook page is open in another screen. Hey, its nap time, don’t judge.)

Other potential sounds:

5.      Ice crunching. I am addicted to Sonic ice. Don’t tell my dentist.

6.       Laughing. It’s kind of obligatory, but we do laugh a lot, thankfully.

7.       The dryer. There is always something banging around in there. A penny, a giant acorn, a crayon, chapstick, a lighter…

8.       Door slamming. These kids think it’s funny to slam doors while running from room to room or outside to the backyard. But, you know what they say, it’s all fun and games until someone loses a pinky in the doorjamb.

9.       Singing. Maybe this should have been one of my top 4. Ella used to sing constantly. No joke, all the damn time. Lately, not so much. Her teacher said that kids focus on one task at a time and then move on. She is into writing and letters now and so her focus is far less performance based lately, thankfully. I needed a break from the musical I was living in.

10.   Fans. A low level hum. When I was growing up we always had a fan in our room for white noise. Now I can’t sleep without it and neither can my kiddos. Thus, we all have desk fans in our room. The overhead fans, while good for circulation, don’t make the same hmmmm sound, so we have the cheap-o desk fans as well. I also have an extra for guests. You are welcome.

11.   Typing. Sometimes I write. When I do, it sounds like “tap tap tappity tap tap tappity”. Sadly,  most of the time I still look at the keys, although, I think I am fairly certain I don’t need to, its just habit, and shoddy typing skills.

12.   Crunching. I think my kids are carbo loading for a marathon. They can demolish a bag of goldfish all before lunch.

13.   DMB. I don’t always listen to music around the house, but when I do, its Dave Matthews Band.

 

 

What are your sounds? I bet they are poetic and lovely…

xoxo

FUN

In addition to a New Year’s resolution, my mother-in-law always asks what word we would like to define the coming year. I think one year I chose something lame like organization, one year it was focus, and this year's word was FUN. Hmm...I am no expert, but I would say that this year was the opposite of fun. In fact, a cluster fuck of fuck still doesn't sum up this past year. I could string together all the curse words I can muster and it still wouldn't accurately portray 2013. Honestly, I don't even remember what happened before June. Nothing. I am a complete blank. It's like June came along and completely swept me off my feet and into a blender. A collision of feelings, super heighten emotions, intense anger, sorrow, freedom...the freedom was interesting though. That is what people mean when they say "like a weight lifted of your shoulders". I don't think I truly knew what that meant until this summer. There were still moments of levity; moments that I could somehow and unexpectedly breath deeper and clearer than ever before. But, fun? No. I don't think so.

Since September when we decided to commit to reconciliation, I have made an effort to add more fun into my life. I didn't want to take myself so seriously anymore. I wanted to take more chances, live just outside the box and enjoy my life. We have weekly Mystery Date Mondays, family day Wednesdays, I travel more with the kids when Jeff works on the weekends. I want to make up for lost time. Lost time with my family, my spouse and my friends that kind of lost me there for a while. I am happy to rejoin the living! I still have my (many, many) moments of insecurity, anxiety and depression, but I am getting there.

My best girlfriends and I took New Orleans by storm this past weekend. We had the most fabulous time walking the French Quarter, shopping, eating, drinking, eating, touring cemeteries, drinking, eating...we cannot wait to plan the next girls getaway! FUN!

Today I bought tickets to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch next April in NYC. My brother and I have been so excited about getting these tickets and we made it happen! FUN! A trip to The Big Apple in the spring. I should start saving now...that is what I call fun.

 

xoxo

 

Yes, and...

“The couple that plays together stays together.”

At least that is what I have heard. Jeff has A LOT of hobbies. He likes wine, is obsessed with techie gadgets/tablets/phones/computers, loves video games, and is a huge Bears fan. I like um, well, I like uh, girls night out, date nights, Dave Matthews Band concerts, um, whiskey, writing some blogs? Let’s just say that I have never invested myself into a hobby. I don’t have any real skills, I don’t have any specific interests, and I have never been particularly drawn to anything. I spent most of last year writing blogs about trying to “find my passion” and awaken my spirit. I felt trapped and bored in the monotony of life, so I began to write.

Throughout the past couple of devastating months, I have had the unexpected opportunity to reevaluate my life and my passions. I had to figure out who I was as a person to help aid me in healing my soul and moving on with life. I decided that I needed to take more risks, travel more, get out of my comfort zone and say YES! more often.

I have a couple good friends that are improv performers and if I have learned nothing else from them, it’s the “Yes, and…” philosophy. When on stage in an improve scene, an actor should accept a situation (or audience suggestion) and is usually accompanied by another actor adding a new offer, building on the first suggestion; this is a process improvisers refer to as "Yes, And..." . If you have ever read Tina Fey’s Bossypants, she totally explains it better, funnier and more eloquently than I. Tina Fey is amazing. I mean, have you watched Mean Girls? Her Sarah Palin was impression was complete perfection, and man, she pulls off nerd glasses like no other! RIght? I have never watched 30 Rock, but I am told that I should, which remind me, we need to get Netflix. Anyways, I digress… Every new piece of information added helps the improvisers refine their characters and progress the action of the scene.

So, where am I going with this? I am starting my own Yes, and… life. I want to progress my own scene. I felt so stagnant, most likely because I was, and I didn’t have the fucking balls to do anything about it. I want to refine my character. I want to grow with added information. But, the only way that I can say Yes more often is to get off my ass. I need to put myself out there, make some mistakes, be willing to look stupid and enjoy the ride. Feel the fear and do it anyways, as my Dad always says.

Jeff and I don’t have a lot of hobbies in common. (I mean, Rocky, Magic, Playstation, Star Wars, Android versions, red wine??) So, I told him that I would take an interest in one of his hobbies. Up until this point, I was fine with his nerd hobbies not involving me, but now I realize that we need to have more joint interests to enjoy together. In the past, I never wanted to watch his choice of movie, I never liked his choice of restaurant, and I was quick to negate most of his suggestions. I want spicy food on a funky patio with a margarita, he wants some duck breast small plate while drinking fancy wine in an over-hyped restaurant. We just don’t quite meet in the middle.

I don’t like wine, I have never watched Star Wars (he made me watch it when we first starting dating and I asked him why the Enterprise was flying by on a string), I don’t have a favorite sports team and I don’t keep up with technology (I don’t  even know how to update my own damn phone). So I let him choose which hobby he would like me to enjoy with him. The choices were: wine, technology or sports.

He is trying to make healthier choices, so he ruled out wine, technology isnt much of a collaborative effort, so we agreed on sports. I bartend, so a bit of sports trivia or even general knowledge is always a great conversation starter. Bar guests are constantly asking me if I watched the game or what the final score was. I always stare at them blankly, offer them the newspaper and pour them another cocktail. No longer, my friend. I drafted my Fantasy Football team and I am ready to go. I cannot wait for my players to start penetrating some tight ends…

xoxo

 

 

Ps.  Week one, my fantasy team is playing Jeff’s fantasy team. May the best spouse win. Geaux Saints! (wish me luck!)

 

 

 

Writer for Hire!

 

I AM A PROFESSIONAL WRITER! Sort of. I mean, if one small gig counts as a professional occupation- then I am in business!! But, it is a regular gig- assuming he sees my work and decides to keep me around for a while. How fun, right?! Apparently he had been reading my blog (who knew people actually read this!) and wanted to add a blog to his company website and needed someone to take over the monthly newsletter.

New job title: Meagan Holt Solomon, COO Solomon Family Enterprises, freelance writer

I even registered a new gmail account with my name in it, not just the email address that I have had since the invention of the internet back in the mid 90’s. You know what I mean, superawesomehottie@yahoo.com, theatercutie@aol.com, lovehootie@hotmail.com

I had wanted to get a more professional email address for a while now, but everything I wanted was taken, and in light of my “it’s complicated” marital status, I wasn’t sure what names to include. Do I want to keep my married name? Should I go back to my maiden name? Have the same last name as my kids? Do I want to keep the last name of my ex-husband? (Jeff’s comment: If you keep my last name, I could potentially have two wives running around with my name?) Yep, I guess. I figured that there would be less paperwork if I kept my married last name and it was important to me to have the same name as my kiddos. I am not sure why, but somehow keeping my married name makes me feel more connected to my little family unit. Not that I love my married name, but if it were Gross or Shitz or something equally awful, I would totally take this opportunity to say Sayonara! Fortunately, it’s an ok last name and my signature is pretty.

Slightly petty, but true. Oh, well.

Back to the point, I am available to hire for all of your technically inept, irreverent, and potentially honest-to-a-fault needs!

Just filling a niche. You are welcome.

xoxo

 

Apparently I should be a blogger and professional pinner?

 

Therapist: Session #2

I went to my second therapist appointment this afternoon. It was interesting…

My best friend goes to the same therapist and highly recommended Dr. P. My friend never stuck me as much of a “therapy” guy, but I figured if he sang her praises, she had to be pretty damn good. He was right.

The first session was crazy good. In one hour she was able to unravel issues that I hadn’t been able to resolve for the past 20 years. I mean, she was good. I promise to write about that appointment later, but it was steeped with too many tear-stained tissues and majorly ugly revelations to just casually mention in a Facebook blog. (Don’t worry, I am working those issues out too, but putting them in manuscript form for a later date and forum)

So, back to today’s appointment. Today we talked about me. Wow. That’s kind of a revelation in its own. ME? Uhhh…not sure what there is to say? I have been raising kids for the last 5 years. I could not think of a single thing that defines me. What do I like to do? Do I have hobbies? Any interests? Passions? Um…no? Maybe? Not really?

Back to the interesting part…she did this energy alignment exercise. She had me align my left/right brain response and center my chakra alignments and then had me hold my arm out in front of me. She asked me a series of questions and lightly pushed on my arm. If I was giving truthful answers, my am would stay strong when pushed, if not, it would push down easily. I even did some test questions first.

What is your name? Jennifer. (wobble, wobble) Meagan. (strong and steady)

Where were you born? Mississippi. (wobble) Austin. (steady)

So weird!

She asked about my passions…

Is writing your passion? Yes. (steady)

Do you think you are a good writer? Yes. (steady)

Do you want writing to be a career? Yes. (steady)

Apparently my subconscious knows something that I am not quite ready to admit to myself. I mean, who sets out to try writing? Crazy people. Intelligent people. People that believe in the own talents. Not me.

My homework assignment is to make a vision board. You know, like the one that Oprah talked about on her show that one time. A collage of clippings from things you would like to accomplish, see and do.  I just so happen to have an extra bulletin board! I will pull out some pushpins and scissors and get to work.  I also happen to have a bottle of Dreaming Tree wine chilling in the fridge and the evening to myself. No time like the present!

xoxo

 

Mission: 2018

 

I am SO done with having kiddos. 6 weeks after my youngest was born I was back at the lady-doctor getting a 10 year IUD. Best. Decision. Ever. Also a very practical decision- by the time the IUD needs to be removed, I will have to start thinking about hormone replacement therapy anyways! Wahoo! No more kiddos for me. *knocks on wood, crosses fingers, says silent prayer*  I am ready to venture into my 30’s renewed, (hopefully) refreshed and ready to begin the next phase of my life!

In the next Five Years:

1.       Take the kids to Disney World. Now, I am not a huge Disney fan, but I assume that everyone has a good time at the mecca of Mickey and Minnie. I would like to go the summer after Ben finishes kindergarten and Ella will have just finished 3rd grade. Wow, it seems so far away.

2.       Publish a book. (Un)realistically, I would like to have 2 published by the end of 5 years. But, I prefer not to count my chickens before they hatch. Or in this case, before they are even a wink in a rooster’s eye.

3.       Open Backyard Bar. A funky little house turned bar with an amazing patio! But, the kicker- it’s also kid friendly, with a small playground and bean bag toss games. Who doesn’t want to grab a beer on a beautifully funky patio while the kids play??

4.       Get fit. I know I don’t have an excuse now, but I really won’t have an excuse when the kids are in school. I want to make yoga classes and daily workouts part of my routine.

5.       Still have my once a week gig bartending. I love my one night a week. I love that I have been with the company for 8 years. The employees and the patrons are like family to me, for a long while I saw them more than most of my actual family.

6.       Have paid off all our credit card debt. I have come to terms that we may never pay back our student loans…but we MUST pay back our credit cards. I am so tired of our debt living at 10%.

7.       Take a trip to Europe. Jeff and I have always said that we would go to Italy and Greece for our 10^th anniversary and I really hope we make this happen. Although, lately we have also discussed planning a trip to Spain (can you say tapas and sangria?!) Somewhere, somehow, we are taking a week long vacation in Europe.
 

I guess that’s it. I think there is plenty to work on for the next 1825 days. Now, where to start? With a nap. I am tired just thinking about it.

xoxo

A Feud With Myself.

 

I am having a feud- against myself. Perhaps I should call it a delusion? In my head I am so much cooler then I am in my real life. I think I have this version of me in my head that I cant (or am too lazy) to actually make into reality.  This woman in my head is awesome. She has her shit together. This woman excels at time management, patience and being fucking awesome. She likes to have fun, is up for anything, has no fear, is secure in herself, is positive and friendly. This woman can cook, craft, do yoga, write, engage in thoughtful discussion, has fabulous beachy waves, a couple new tattoos and a pulled-together boho style with funky stacked jewelry.

My real-life self is a bit jealous of this fantasy version that my head has conjured. But, I am also fairly sure that with enough exercise, sleep, time and perseverance, I could become this person that my head seems to be nudging me towards. What is that stupid saying? The journey of a lifetime starts with a single step? I don’t know, something like that…but, I suppose its true. One step at a time, one day at a time…the whole tortoise and the hare idea; slow and steady wins the race. Yes. That is so true- I am very slow. I suppose lazy might even be the appropriate word. Ugh, that makes me sad to even type, but it’s the truth. I am lazy and tired. I think it may just be par for the course while you have little people that require so much attention. I require a lot of sleep, down time and the chance to hear silence. I crave the sound of silence. I crave the ability to be left with my own thoughts without the banter of a 4-year old or the insistent chatter and whine of a toddler.

Ah, I know. I shouldn’t make excuses. There are plenty of women out there that  have twice as many kids and twice as much productivity. I have seen enough mom blogs on Facebook and pins on Pinterest to know that there is a pretty amazing group of ladies making shit happen! I want to make shit happen! But, currently I am sitting at my computer in the playroom guzzling coffee while the kiddos fight over a light up ball and (continuously) beg for snacks. (What is it with “snacks”?? Seriously? I just gave you breakfast, and now you are still hungry for snacks??)

I will throw my thoughts out into the universe and hope that some come true by sheer will of osmosis…or accident or maybe kismet. Baby steps, right? One day at a time. I will consider today the day I was honest with myself and put my goals out there…tomorrow I stack some bracelets. Shut it, I said baby steps. I need more sleep to figure out how to make fabulous beachy waves a reality.

My inspiration goals in photos:

Resolutions: 2013 Edition

 

I have a pretty clear vision of the “Best Me”; the woman that I would like to be and more importantly, the woman that I KNOW that I can be. There are a lot of components that I have already, some that are lying dormant just under the surface and some that, with a fair amount of dedication, I can bring to fruition. I have a Pinterest board entitled “In My 30’s” and this has a pretty comprehensive visual representation of who I would like to become…or am becoming…I don’t know. I am torn really, because I don’t want to say “who I would like to be”. (Or is it whom I would like to be? See this is why I need an editor) That phrase sounds so negative- like I am unhappy with the person I am. I simply mean, the optimum me. There is a “me” that is already here (buried deep and dormant) and given enough exercise, sleep, and cooperation, the person that I am.

I know that making New Years resolutions is silly and making too many resolutions is simply unobtainable. I don’t want to hear “just make one change and love the person you are”. Ugh. Please. I get it, but that’s not really the way I work. 7 Years ago THIS NEW YEARS EVE I decided to stop smoking and I never picked one up again. I need that hard line. It is the only New Year resolution that I have ever stuck too, but no matter, it was important that I did make that decision.

I say, throw it all out there- see what sticks. If you are willing to say it out loud then you just took the first step. Why put limitations on what you can accomplish??

My list of crazy 2013 Resolutions:

1.       Begin taking yoga classes. I have a friend who(m)? is crazy awesome and looks incredible-she literally glows. She is my inspiration.

2.       Learn how to play the upright bass. I threw this idea out to a regular at my bar and she emailed me a couple contacts that will help me find lessons. Serendipity!

3.       Try out Denton Unitarian Fellowship. I grew up in the UU church and feel like I am at the age and point in my life where fellowship and community is important.

4.       I would like to find glass blowing lessons. I am throwing that out there with hopes that someone can point me in the right direction.

5.       I don’t like wine. (This is unfortunate because my husband LOVES wine, but its just not for me)I think that I am going to make champagne my fancy drink of choice. Now I must become an expert! This may involve a lot of intense product research and I am ok with that.

6.       I will turn my backyard into a full garden. We are talking tiered beds, 100 different plants and a potential to supply all my friends and neighbors with veggies throughout the spring. You’re welcome.  Oh, and Dad, come help me make this dream a reality, please.

7.       Start, and more importantly, finish some projects around the house. (painting, new curtains, pillows, molding, etc.)

8.       Snail mail birthday greetings to friends and family. I meant to do this last year too…it didn’t stick.

9.       Be more patient and kind. Eh, that’s self-explanatory.

10.   De-frump. Yes, I have a whole Pinterest board for that too, titled “De-Frump”.

11.   Get a tattoo. Jeff is not on board with this idea, but too bad.

I don’t particularly resolve to make any of these happen- but I am just throwing them out there and seeing what happens. I look at this as just opening myself to the universe and see what comes my way. Wish me luck!

xoxo

I am THIRTY!

My kids are getting older. I have one that I swear is a full-grown teenager stuck in a teeny-tiny 3.5 year old body and a baby boy who now walks everywhere and melts my heart constantly. I LOVE watching them grow, learn and discover themselves and their place in the world around them. I am at the point where I can begin to think about myself again: my needs, my dreams, my desires, and my passions in life. Lately I have been so lost trying to regain myself as a person, independent of my kids or my husband. I literally have no hobbies, no interests and no passion for anything in particular. I like things, sure, but there is nothing that fuels me. (Yes, I love my family…blah, blah, blah…but we are talking about me right now) I would like to rediscover myself.

I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter and a co-worker. I suppose that I identify with all those roles, but it still lacks the definition of Meagan. They are components of who I am as a person but do not define me as an individual. I have decided to call my thirties: The Decade of Passion Discovery. I don’t know, I will work on the title, but you get the idea.

I have been so excited about my thirties, I have a whole board on Pinterest called: In My 30’s, so you know it’s serious. I have pinned a couple tattoos, hairstyles, outfits, workout routines and “goal” bodies. I like to look at is as my ultimate goal, but unfortunately, I forget that I am IN MY THIRTIES! I have not done anything to obtain these goals and currently there are no plans to make anything come to fruition. I am my own stalemate.

But, I made a (virtual) pinboard- just like Oprah said!! Things just don’t magically happen because I hit “pin it”?? Damn.

Xoxo

Oh- and I my act of self-discovery, I changed my blog layout. Like it? It looks a bit more like the inside of my brain. Enjoy!