I cannot say that I deal very well with death. I also cannot say that I have a lot of experience with death. My great-grandfather died 8 years ago at the age of 90-something and my great-grandmother died 6 years ago at 80-something. Lets just put it this way, we live forever.
My uncle Uwe has been battling pancreatic cancer for the last 6 months and early this morning the cancer finally won. And by won, I mean that cancer sucks and why the hell cant we find a cure!!!!? Its devastating to watch a family as strong as the Heine's go through all the hospital visits, chemo, doctor appointments, nurses, and tears. I sent a couple emails, a couple cards, a couple Facebook messages, but it wasn't enough. I know that. I didn't know what to do! I felt helpless from so far away, so removed from the day to day realities of a family living with the devastation of cancer and the joy of making each day count.
Last night, I work up around 3 am and COULD NOT go back to sleep. I played a couple games of Words with Friends, checked Facebook, caught up on TMZ and all the while kept thinking about Uwe. Around 4am, I put my phone down and decided to send Uwe some well wishes. I wanted to let him know that there was not a day that went by that he and his family were not on my mind. I told him that I was sorry for not having the strength of mind to call him in his final days. I told him how grateful I was that he and my Aunt took me to Europe for my high school graduation present. How grateful I was that he helped me with my German projects. How grateful I was that we were able to visit him in May and hang out with him in California before he started chemo. How grateful I was that now I have the best (authentic) recipe for Ghluewine. I let him know that I wished him well on his next journey and that he would be missed. I let him know how much he mattered to his friends and family and how much of a positive impact he made on those around him. I let him know that Thanksgiving just wont be the same without him.
I found out this morning that he passed in the early morning, just around four. The same time that I couldn't sleep, the same time that I sent my messages of love and remembrance into the universe. I guess it is true what they say, we are all interconnected in this web of life, and quite frankly, its pretty damn cool.
Rest in peace, Uwe. You will be loved and missed. xoxo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment