So, I am addicted to Pinterest and I remembered that I have a quote that I find to be extremely accurate these past couple days and especially today...
"She cries not because she is weak, but because she has been strong for so long."
That is how I feel today. I suppose that I have found my threshold and today, well, today I cry. A lot. I am exhausted. Not just physically (I mean, I am 35 weeks pregnant and have a 2.5 year old), I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I don't complain often, especially about being pregnant. I have always just figured that being pregnant sucks for everyone. Everyone gets tired, everyone feels gigantic and slow moving...and really, no one can do anything for you, so why complain? But- its the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, and I am just not squeaky...nor do I consequently get the grease.
I am exhausted of taking care of everyone. YES. EVERYONE! My daughter, my husband, the dogs, family that is in town...making sure that we have groceries, toilet paper, diapers, coffee, the bills are paid. I go to work and wait on people, making sure they have drinks, food, napkins, etc. All day long every day, I am constantly making sure that everyone around me is happy, healthy and fulfilled. Now, most of the time, this makes me very happy. I love knowing that I can make other people happy and content. There is an innate nurturing gene in women, I think, that makes us take on the this role. Hunting vs. gathering. Men go out to provide, women stay home and nurture. I mean, hell, its worked this long, why rock the boat!
But- there are moments in life, much like today, when I surrender. I want a mommy, a wife, a cook, an errand runner, a nanny, a surrogate to carry this baby for just a night or so so that I can get a restful nights sleep. I cry because as much as I try, I still find myself frustrated and exhausted. It is even harder to admit it to myself as it is to say it out loud. I do a damn good job at juggling all the balls, but they are bound to fall once in a while. And, I need to give myself permission to allow those balls to fall, so that when I pick them back up, I have a new energy and passion for keeping those balls in the air.
I guess no one has it all together. Everyone is allowed to reboot every once and a while. Maybe that is what I need to do. Reboot. Restart. Ctrl+Alt+Del. Oh, and take a nap...if that overtired toddler of mine would just sleep and make my day a bit easier. Thanks for listening. Let me know that I am not the only one out there...and then meet me at the spa, God knows we could use a nice massage and some cucumber water. xoxo
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YOU are not the only one out there Momma! It will get better we have all been there and I am currently there. I told someone the other day I feel like I have been treading water for weeks now and nothing has been marked off my "to-do" list. I will tell you this though, after wee one enters the world and it gets worse God will provide these moments where it all fits, comes together, and makes you so happy you are in that moment. So, here's to you, I know you can do it!!
ReplyDeleteAwe, thanks! It's nice to know we are all in this together! :)
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