Mommies don't need sleep.

Who needs sleep right? Have you seen the ecard that says something like, "now that you have decided to have kids, I hope you plan to never sleep again." Last night I think that it was written by me and for me.
Lets start at the beginning...
While I was at work last night Ben accidentally fell off the changing table onto his neck. I got a call from Jeff which usually only means one of two things: First, that a kid is sick/hurt/crying or secondly (and more common) he can't find something and needs to know where it is. Unfortunately when he called, I could hear the fear in his voice. "Meagan, Ben fell off the changing table onto his neck. He is asleep in his crib now and I have checked on him three times and he seems ok, but I just dont know what to do." SHIT. And more importantly, didnt I just tell you yesterday that he is prone to rolling off and you must watch him like a hawk?? Yes. But, Jeff is a dude, and dudes only listen to about half of the precausionary advice we give them. But, I digress...
Jeff checked on him at 9:30pm and was feeling around on Ben's neck which wakes a screamimg banchee that can only be calmed by the comfort of a bottle. Ben then wakes up again at midnight, by this time I am home. I decide to get him up for a bottle so that I can check him out. He seemed fine. He then wakes at 1:30am, I let him fuss for a couple minutes and he goes back to sleep. At 4am, he is screaming again, I change his diaper, put some pants on him, give him a tiny bottle and he is back in bed by 4:10am. Pfew- back to bed. Just as I get comfy cozy, I hear singing over the monitor...yes, its the Happy Birthday song. OMG, its Ella SINGING!!! Its freaking 4:15am and apparently Ella decides its a great time for a vocal workout.
I go in there 10 minutes later and she looks at me and says, Hi Mom. Hi. Go to bed. Whats with the singing? She tells me that Ben was crying and woke her up and now she needs to go pee pee. She doesnt go back to sleep until 5:30ish. I turned off the monitor. Frankly, I just didnt even care. What is that line in the book, "And go the f*ck to sleep"...yes, kids, go the fuck to sleep.
Good news though, Ben seemed fine this morning. Babies are resilient, however Daddies less so. Jeff was a nervous wreck. Poor thing told me that he "broke" Ben. That's precisely why I just dont tell him when Ben rolls off the couch or Ella ran around all day without underwear, or that I found her trying to put the car key in the outdoor outlet by the front door. I am super mom, and I will be damned to break that illusion. Oh damn, cover blown. It's fine, I am sure he knew my mothering skills were too good to be true.
Long story short...coffee will be my best friend this morning (and yes, I put Kahlua in it), Ben is fine and I need to put Ella into music classes (at this point I need her to fund my retirement). She had a pretty sweet rendition of Mary had a little lamb last night. When is nap time?