Yep. I guess that about sums it up. I am MOM. But, I am also
WIFE. FRIEND. CO-WORKER. EMPLOYEE. DAUGHTER. SISTER. There are a lot of hats
and lately I feel like I am sucking it up big time. I feel like I am peddling
just as fast and hard as I can and yet, I am going nowhere. I feel like I am
working my ass off (unfortunately not literally- I cannot find time or energy to do that) and yet, I am not making anyone
happy- including myself. I feel like I truly
try my best to please everyone and yet, I please no one. I am not depressed,
please don’t think that I have any problem like that…this is just a temporary
lull in the system. I think this feeling may just be a plateau or maybe a fork
in the road that needs to be navigated.
Honestly, I have no answers. I have thought long on the
situation at hand and still have nothing. Zip. Nada. I have been told to pray
on it…I guess. I am not really the religious kind, but I suppose happy thoughts
and the ability to throw my anxiety out into the universe may help. Thankfully this
blog has been an interesting outlet for me; the ability to voice my thoughts
and know that I am not alone, that I am not crazy and that I am not the only
one to have ever had these feelings.
Jeff said that he was just going to have to get used to the “new
me”. In his exact words, “this overwhelmed mom who is constantly annoyed at her
circumstances”. I love him, but I don’t agree. I am not annoyed at my circumstances;
I am just frustrated that despite my best efforts, I still feel like I am
failing. Please don’t confuse this with feeling like a failure. I feel like I
am treading water, not drowning. I just yearn to be on the diving board, high
above the pool in the first place. I suppose that could be unrealistic. But,
reach for the stars, RIGHT??
Thanks for listening.
xoxo
For whatever it's worth, I understand, and I feel like this all the time! :) I used to think I was a great wife/friend/employee, and now I think I'm barely scraping by with fair to middling performance, even though I am trying a heck of a lot harder. Maybe this is another one of those life things that just gets better with time? Hopefully. And I only have one kid! I don't know how you do it!
ReplyDeleteI think treading water is in itself an accomplishment, and I think you do a better job than most mothers I have seen. You are NOT Wonder Woman.
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