Screw you, Stomach Bug!

You thought I would actually let this whole week go by without a blog?? Clearly you don’t know me. Well, actually you probably do or you wouldn’t be reading this drivel. Let me set the scene:

DAY 5 of STOMACH BUG HELL:

I am sitting at the computer in the kids play room, wasting time on Pinterest and watching a Sex and the City marathon. Quite frankly, right now, it may be the only thing saving my sanity. I will refrain from telling you how many books in The Vampire Diaries series I have already read. (five) But, in my defense, the kids have been napping a lot and I have been forgoing showers, because I am just going to be shat upon again anyways…

Last night I got 2.5 hours of sleep. I took two long naps yesterday while the kids slept and wasn’t tired last night, finally forcing my eyes closed at 1 am, only to be awoken at 2 am by a screaming Ben.  I crawled back into bed and maybe 20 minutes later I heard the worst noise from Ella stomach. OMG. Something so tiny shouldn’t be able to release something so horrid and stinky. I will spare the details (she is a lady, damnit.) but this went on every half hour or so for the rest of the night. Around 6 am she fell into a deep slumber. Ben woke up at 7am. BAM. Welcome to parenthood, sucker!

I have no family in town, so there isn’t much backup around here. Oh, and did I mention that my loving husband is out of town? Oh, and did I mention that he has succumb to the bug too…yeah. As of yet (knocking wood and crossing fingers and silent prayers) I have not had these bug symptoms. I would like to thank three things for my strong stomach: tabasco, garlic and whiskey. Which leads me to my next dilemma…

My extreme lack of whiskey. I have an AMAZING friend whom I commissioned to make a grocery store run for me. Everything was fine until she went to the liquor store across the road and they were closed! Like for good. No liquor on the shelves. Nada. This was Saturday evening. Then comes Sunday and the liquor stores are closed anyways! (stupid archaic Texas prohibition laws) So, I am almost a week into this bug that has infiltrated my home and I am without my magic get-well-soon elixir. Yes, in this case I am drawing a parallel between whiskey and prescription drugs. My mother-in-law calls wine her “medicine” so I figure that it is a perfectly reasonable conclusion.

But, alas! I have received a text that promises a delivery of whiskey and toilet paper!! (yes, we have been going through a lot of that here in the last day or two).  In just a couple hours I will be drinking a whiskey (with a splash of coke) and eating garlic based soup laced with copious amounts of tabasco.

FUCK YOU, STOMACH BUG! Good riddance. But, thanks for all the down time to read my adolescent Vampire books…

xoxo

Gratuitous Vampire Diaries picture. Your welcome.