Truths about Marriage

I realize that I may be a bit more blunt than many- perhaps more blunt than most. I live in this real world inside my head. Everything inside my head makes sense. I am totally at ease with the way my brain works, how it makes sense of things, its ability to create defense mechanisms, its innate need to find a positive spin on a situation and its fabulous ability to literally flip a switch so that everything is ok. It’s a world of honesty, (slight) compassion, and a whole lot of brutal truths.

So, I am confused why there would be any critism about Ben Affleck’s acceptance speech at the Oscars on Sunday. He thanked his wife for “working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” That’s the truth. What’s wrong with speaking the truth? Didn’t it make you feel validated to see such a beautiful, successful, high-profile couple gaze at each other with such loving adoration and know they have the same struggles in their lives? I love when people are honest and can speak openly about pain and struggle and happiness. These feelings help humanize an individual and help foster a bond between two people.

This ARTICLE, posted on Facebook today, was an awesome read. A truthful, honest, and perhaps even uncomfortable read that spoke to the truths of marriage. If you havent already, please take a moment to read the article, it is worth the three minutes. Let me just hit a highlight:

                “We enter this voluntary (some say insane, and they’re not entirely wrong) pact because we do a cost-benefit analysis and decide that the benefits of getting married (or otherwise partnering for life) outweigh the potential costs -- breakups, emotional pain, financial disarray, the list goes on. We make just about the biggest emotional leap of faith a person can make, because we think, feel, and hope that the rewards will be great.”

That is pretty heavy. And accurate. It’s like a yellow legal pad with a pros and cons list. I was talking with a friend the other night about almost this exact topic. I told her what I tell everyone, “marriage is all about who you can put up with for the longest amount of time”. I don’t mean to seem callus- just realistic. We run around trying to find the most handsome, funniest, smartest, most compassionate and  best lover we can to marry. Quite frankly, if we could find that all in one person we would have no need for any other friendships, relationships or connections with anyone else. That is just sad. I want it ALL! I don’t want to rely on one person to fulfill all my requirements. That is too daunting a task for one person to undertake and far too much pressure to put on your partner to fulfill. I do believe that all relationships require work. Marriage, friendships, family dynamics…all of them require a lot of time, effort and honesty. (Oh, and honey, you are the most, handsome, smartest, most compassionate, best lover and well, you aren’t opposed to humor. I just happened to hit the jackpot. xoxo)

I think that is what Ben Affleck was speaking about during his Oscars acceptance speech- the hard work and dedication that all relationships require. The hard work with your spouse, your co-producers, your cast, your crew, all of the people around you that make life worth living! I felt like Ben was telling us to give ourselves a break. Nothing is easy and anything worth having requires work. I like that message. I like the honesty and I love the truthful sentiment between a husband and his wife. I feel like the Solomons and the Affleck-Garners need to be friends. Ella and Seraphina can be besties- it gonna be pretty cute.

xoxo