Daddy's Day

Today is a weird day. It's Tuesday at 10:20 am and I am at the campus library of my alma mater. I wasn't sure quite where to go. I needed quiet, I needed solitude, but I needed the comradery of people. Although, I do admit that the smell of books can be inspiring and oddly comforting.

Jeff is off today and tomorrow. We agreed that he will have the kids from after school Tuesday until he drops them back off at school Thursday morning. That's almost 48 hours without my kiddos. I know that may not sound like much, but after being a mostly stay-at-home mom for 4 years...this is an extremely long amount of time. We are slowly easing the kids into our new life. All four of us are still living together until August, and we are beginning our routine of weekly "Daddy Days". The kids LOVE their dad; Ella especially. She breathes simply for the promise of seeing her dad. She tells me at least 100 times a day how much she loves and misses her Daddy. Sometimes it is heartbreaking.

So, here I sit, giving the kids their much needed Daddy Day and marking our new routine splitting time between us. I thought I would feel more free, but at this point I am just kind of sad. Maybe lonely is a more accurate word. This is what I meant by coming to a library for both quiet and comradery. In college I used to come to the library to study in the cubicles. It was quiet and I could focus, but it was also so electrically charged that you never felt alone- there was always a sense of togetherness. There seemed to be a silent understanding that everyone in the building was wading through the collegiate trenches together.

I wanted that feeling today. I wanted to be alone and yet supported and maybe even inspired by all the words around me. I hoped to find inspiration from the writers who had poured their souls out onto paper in effort to be heard- even if only by one person. The hopes to inspire, inform, or just humor another human being while sharing their story with others.

I am not sure what my hopes are. To inspire? Not really. Humor? Sure. Inform? Maybe. Perhaps it's even more simple: I want to share the human experience with others. I want to join the tens of thousands of writers housed within these walls.

I want to live a life worth writing about.

I simply want to live a beautiful life.

xoxo