Christmas in September

I don’t like the holidays, let me just get that out there. Last year I wrote THIS blog entitled Bah Humbug outlining the top 5 reasons that I hate the holidays. I still feel this way and I am super pissed off that I just saw a commercial that referenced the “holiday season” in SEPTEMBER! No, no, no. It is not the holiday season. The “holiday season” doesn’t begin until November. Let us freaking get through the hectic "back 2 school "transition and buy our costumes and candy for Halloween before we dive head first into ugly jingle sweaters and pine scented plastic trees.

Ella is four and a half this Christmas season, which means that she is in full present/Santa/Elf/decorate a tree/snowball fight mode. Simple said, she will finally “get” it. Jeff will be the very happiest this year. He is a Christmas fanatic. Before we were married he made us leave milk and cookies out for Santa and track his path on Santa radar. (I also had to get up in the middle of the night and throw out the now-warm milk and chunk the cookies into the nether regions of the freezer so they wouldn’t be spied exposing my secret….dont tell Jeff, he may be crushed.)

Last year, the whole Elf on a Shelf nonsense didn’t go over very well. Ella didn’t really care and we lost interest. (Click HERE to see the Elf shenanigans)  

In fact, we didn’t even spend the money (why is that string bean of an Elf so damn expensive??) and used a Elmo Elf that we had received the year before. Honestly though, the whole idea super fucking creeps me out. We tell our kids that a mythical Elf is watching over them to report back to Santa??

Yeah, I am sorry, if you guys are pissed off about the NSA then you should not be encouraging “the man” to keep watch over your kids during the holiday season.  I know, I know, it’s supposed to be an incentive to keep your kids on their best behavior (which I am all for, I am not against bribes. The promise of fruit snacks got me through Ella’s terrible twos) however, the idea of a fat man coming down the chimney bringing presents because his super creepy elf was watching you all season…I don’t know. It’s all too much.

I want to enjoy the leaves changing color, scare some trick-or-treaters, cook a turkey, dress all snazzy for some holiday parties, open some pj’s on Christmas Eve, and then we can talk about Santa and all his creepy, breaking-an-entering antics. Let’s slow down. One thing at a time. It’s still September after all...

Let’s make a deal. I will promise to be less of a Grinch if we can all agree to take one holiday at a time. I may even get my own Elf on a Shelf…he may be creepy, but I could use the leverage with the tiny maniacs over here. (Can I borrow $30? I should have just coughed up the dough when he was on sale after Christmas last year.)

Xoxo

P.S. I know there were an awful lot of parenthesis in this little blog.  I am toying with the idea of footnotes, maybe? I don’t know, what do you think?