We are all kinda f'ed up

Let me just tell you, there is some complicated shit happening next door, down the street, with your friends, in your church communities…everywhere.

Since I began blogging about my own divorce and marital woes, I have heard from a lot of you. Some are close friends, some are acquaintances that relate to my struggles, and some are far removed friends of friends of friends…but let me tell you, life is messy.

One woman’s husband has been having an affair with prostitutes while away on business trips, one woman found out that her husband had been having a two year affair with a co-worker, another found out her husband was drinking too much and gambled away their mortgage, one woman began an emotional affair when her husband had grown distant with his own emotional betrayal, one woman is only staying in her marriage because she cannot fathom sharing joint custody of her children, yet another married woman had been having a decade long relationship with a woman while raising her family with her husband.

(If you think I just called you out, I bet I didn't. That is just how universal our lives are. There are no new stories, only new actors.)

A friend, who is currently navigating her own personal marital issues, made an excellent point the other day. She said, “we are free to make our own rules for our marriage”.  In fact, she told her husband that he was free to find an emotional relationship outside their marriage if he needed to, but that she would be free to do the same. His response, “the idea of that makes me want to vomit.” Well, there you have it. Relationships can be messy. What is good for one partner may not work for the other. Marriage is negotiation, communication, forgiveness, support and understanding. Much like parenting, there is no rule book. It is up to you to make the boundaries, create the directions and decide how to move the pieces around the board.

I find this both scary and liberating.

Scary because all the rules you thought applied, don’t. Liberating because all the rules your thought applied, don’t. Basically, you are ok, I am ok, we are all ok! Let’s give ourselves and each other a break.

xoxo