January 1st: Gramdma Clay: Wisdom

When my beautiful granddaughter, Meagan, asked me to write an article for her blog, my mind did somersaults.

                First thought: “Oh boy!  Now it’s my time to be a blogger!  I’ve never done one, but I’ve read them.” 

                Second thought: I have to finish corrections on turning one of my favorite books,  Interlude In Time, into an e-book, making sure all the programing is in place to sell it on Amazon. It takes lots of time and patience to get the coding correct. Can I take away time from getting my time-travel book completed for writing a blog for my first grandchild AND first granddaughter? You bet!

                Third Thought (and most terrifying):  What should I write about?  I do books, stories and insurance adjusting. What have I got say that might interest others - and can I pull it off?

                I came up with an answer for each thought:  Yes!  Yes, and …maybe – by the skin of my teeth.

             Then I read more blogs and made the following decision: I don’t have much to do with children or even grandchildren at this stage of my life, except to love and hug them. I don’t have a husband; I support myself in a myriad of ways that has little to do with first-hand Corporate America. No one wants to hear about how to turn one of my books into a kindle. And then I realized.  I do have something to say. Like the third ghost in the Christmas Story, I am a vision of your future.   Yup, old age – such as it is. It could be good or not so good. But future attitude, and lifestyle today actually combines to sets up your choice for your tomorrow. The rest is Nature’s choice and the choices you already made in the past.

                Since I was a child, I traveled the world.  I saw bombed-out Europe after WW2, went to junior high in Munich and Kaiserslautern and high school in Frankfurt, Germany. By the time I was twenty two I had lived in 29 states, no small feat in the early sixties. In that day it was a lot of traveling.

                After thirty years of marriage, I went through a troubling divorce. Now, at the age of 70+, I have been forced to rearrange my thoughts of what I once was considered old age. As a teenager, I looked at my age now resigned to an old aged home waiting for my kids to show up and share a half hour of their busy lives. I imagined them sharing stories with me about people I don’t know and don’t care to know. I believed I’d nod off and they would appreciate that by leaving me alone.  Apparently, I’m not there yet. Neither are many friends my age.

                Instead, at this age, I still have dreams, aspirations, accomplishments to complete, trips to take, laughter to experience and friends to see, make and re-make.  I still have budgets, getting my work done in a timely manner, and finding the right man to share the rest of my life with – oh, not the man of my youthful dreams mind you, but one that fits into my present and personal relationship dreams. A man based more in reality (I give credit to my advanced experience on that one.) If that man ever comes along, he will have his own list of gifts to add to a relationship. And honestly,  a nice set of teeth wouldn’t hurt – it means he’s taken care of himself.  

                Funny thing is that there are very few differences between a younger woman’s dreams and an older woman’s dreams, except, perhaps, more realistic expectations of the outcome. An older woman has her dreams based on day to day reality and less on Santa’s Wish List. She’s also willing to compromise. I’d like my future partner have the same abilities, instead of him wishing for a perky pair of breasts and a flat stomach…after all, that’s my wish too! But the chances for either of us are  nil unless he’s got the money to pay for her company and/or her surgery. For those whom I’ve offended, “get over it.”

                Dear Halos in Heaven! Did I really write that? Tough tootsie rolls.

                I know what it’s like to be in a younger woman’s shoes. I was there once myself,  and the  memories and tough timesstill rattle around in my memories. Seasons, times, years, emotions – hundreds of years have been the same for humans. I have learned what it’s like to keep a relationship going on right and wrong tracks: male or female.  I have friends from high school I still meet with, talk and laugh with – even occasionally cry with.   I have had wonderful long relationships with five men that have meant much to me and with whom I’m lucky to still be in contact as friends. They have each taught me about life and relationships, both good and not-so-good.

                I still work and enjoy every moment of living…visiting with friends, watching SCANDAL and even the cleaning of toilets…(sick isn’t it? But once done, it feels good to know that it is clean.)

                When I wake up in the morning, I don’t think of my age until I look in the mirror and see an old caricature of my younger self. I drink my coffee and brush my teeth and hair.  I have a mental list of things that must get done, things that I’d like to get done and things that are just plain going to be delayed until they become a necessity. The last is often put off for another month if the first two aren’t completed.  Every day I do things other much younger people also do – at least I hope.

                Every day I text or talk to one or two old friends and at least one family member. Two or three evenings a week I meet and talk with friends. I dance, have a glass of wine, laugh and occasionally wonder what it would be like to get to know someone who’s just joined our circle.  And then I go home and smile as I go to sleep because I’m still here, I’m still laughing, I am healthy; and still feel young - even in this old body.   

                When I first got divorced twenty years ago, I did those same things, occasionally with the same people I do now.  The difference today verses twenty years ago is just one:  I know the differences time has created and I cherish both the differences and the sameness of our lives. 

                I am growing into an old soul and am absolutely certain that I’m lucky to be here. Lucky that I have lived this life, had the parents I had even though I cursed them when they didn’t deserve it, and lucky to still have time to make amends with friends and foes. I have time to apologize to those I might have hurt along the road I chose for this journey, and mostly, the time to change what I need to change. I want another day in heaven-on-earth to watch those I love grow older, too. If that comes true, I’m a happy camper.

                This season brings about the wonderful feeling of sharing.  So my wishes this year are about that same thought.

                My Christmas wish is to have my family members (four children, seven grandchildren and three great-grandchildren) learn as much, and even more than, I have learned in this lifetime. I’m also wishing they learn their lessons in life sooner than I did.

                My New Year’s wish is to continue to enjoy my life as it is now. It sounds like a simple request, but it’s not. Nothing, especially life, remains the same nor is it ever simple. 

                 The difference between the young me and the older me is that I know the differences that age, circumstances, family and friends have made, and I appreciate them. Every day.  Lucky me!

                And finally - most of all, having a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with people you know and some you don’t yet know – and that you make that family of friends as well as your family of relatives, a wonderful asset in your life and forgive them their occasional trespasses. So I wish that you, too. Recognize how important both families are, and may you have a long happy life surrounded by those you love.

 

Rita Clay Estrada, proud to be Meagan’s Grandmother.