First Date

I went on a date. An old fashioned leave the kids with a babysitter, go out for dinner and get to know each other date. We both got dressed up; I even put on some spanx to keep it all tight and together. I put on makeup and took a couple extra minutes on my hair. I flirted with the idea of eyeliner, then deciding against it. I don’t need to accidentally look like a raccoon if we sat out on a patio and it got a little too warm. I put on deodorant, a body lotion with slight sparkle sheen and was ready for a night out.

We took my car. It has carseats in it, but to love me is to love my kids right?? No sense in pretending they don’t exist. They are the two tiniest loves of my life. I feel like dating with kids is always a pretty big challenge. You have to plan ahead of time, hire a babysitter, hope the babysitter doesn’t flake, hope one of the kiddos doesn’t get sick, hope that no one’s plans change and then hope you can still make it out the door in time for the reservation.

We chose a sushi restaurant and sat up at the bar like grownups. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy sitting at the bar, it is usually free of little rugrats, the service is more laid-back and the drinks always come quicker. I am always a fan of grownup banter and easy conversation at a bar top. I always feel more comfortable perched on a tall stool than seated at a table with an overzealous waiter pacing around waiting to take my order. I curse a lot and feel like my kind of conversational tones are best appreciated by patrons of the bar…not the 65 year old granny or the exhausted 40 year old mom of three that came in for the free kids meal with purchase.

The conversation was good. The tone was happy and slightly cautious. We were up front and honest with each other and our desires in life. We talked about our past relationships and what went wrong. We talked about getting married young and how difficult marriage can be, especially when you add two children into the equation. I was open with my fears in beginning a new relationship. I was honest about my trust issues, my insecurities, my need for communication and reassurance. He told me about his need for a less controlling partner and his choice to begin his own therapy to help work through some of his personal demons.

We discussed our desire for a fully committed, healthy and happy relationship. We have both been through so much pain and resentment in the past, that we agreed that we needed to learn to trust again and feel safety in the union. I may have teared up a couple times (so glad I didn’t wear eyeliner) and he was communicative and supportive. He put his arm around me and reassured me that everything would work out. I told him that this would most likely be the most difficult thing that we would ever do and he agreed. Fostering each other and our needs, supporting one another and our passions, using kind words for damaged hearts, this would be a struggle. This fledgling relationship will take time and dedication, but we agreed it was necessary to heal our past wounds.

We shared a dessert, paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant as he reached for my hand. It was nice; strong and reassuring, comfortable, easy and familiar. I may have even had a lump form in my throat, because as we walked back to the car, I looked over at this handsome man and thought, I love him. I love my husband and together we will make it through this if it kills us.

Our "first date".

P.S. Let’s cross our fingers this doesn’t kill us.