Pain and Suffering

I know there are many of you that think I put far too much out there into the great wide open. Honestly, I feel like a fraud half the time because I keep so much of my writing to myself. I have some amazing readers that have reached out and told me their own struggles with life and love and marriage. One friend confided in me that she too was getting a separation, another friend was in the middle of a divorce, and many of you shared personal stories of forgiveness and reconciliation. I am so truly touched that anyone relates to my blog, let alone takes the time to message me their own heartfelt thoughts and prayers.

I am not a very religious person.  I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes another window opens. I think there is a higher power, but I have always been hesitant to give it a name. I believe in putting good thoughts out into the universe and being grateful for the opportunities of life, but I am hesitant to call it “prayer”.

From the beginning of this e’ffed up crazy summer, I have been writing my heart out simply for the cathartic release. I was having a difficult time figuring out which way was up and I needed some clarity in my thoughts. Thanks to this 21^st Century techie world we now occupy, I found an outlet in my blog. More surprisingly, I found an audience that was connecting with the words that spilled onto the page. I have been surrounded by kind thoughts, nice words and blessings. I know several prayer warriors out there that held my family in their thoughts on a daily basis. Again, I am not religious, but I am all for the power of positive thought and am so very grateful for all the prayers for our family.

I didn’t try smile through my tears. I don’t find the power in that school of thought. I don’t believe that one is brave because they are able to put on a happy face and simply make it through their day. Emotions are heavy and can weigh on the heart and the mind. I wanted to own my feelings and thoughts with honesty. I don’t see the point in putting on a brave face, there is no honor in lying.

As a culture, I think that we have been programed to compartmentalize, repress and hide our feelings. We have been taught that we should remain composed and that any release of intense emotion is weakness. In that case, I am pretty damn weak, and I am ok with that. I may rant, rave and cry, but at least I am honest.

Thank you for listening, thank you for your prayers, and thank you for your readership. Thank you for allowing me to be me, this has truly been a humbling season of my life.

xoxo

There is no shame in pain. Please, let us all be a little easier on ourselves.