December 6th: Celeste: Single and Dating

As I look back on 2013, it has been a fun and exciting year.  Due to layoffs in 2012, I had 10 wonderful months with my son.  I liked to look at it as extended maternity leave.  In January of 2013 I accepted a job with flexible hours that I truly enjoy.  I celebrated my son’s first birthday and finally felt I was beginning to regain my body back.  Since I was feeling more like myself and not constantly feeding a newborn, I decided to venture back out into the dating world.  Juggling being a single mom, career, and dating comes with some challenges.  Not having time to frequent bars led me to try online dating.  I wasn’t new to online dating; I had also joined a site after my divorce 3 years ago. Online dating can be fun but weeding through guys to get to the good ones can be tricky.  I know what I hope to find in a man and believe with patience and trust in my faith that there is someone out there for me. 

Dating in your 20’s is much different than dating in your 30’s.  In my 20’s before getting married I had an innocent and magical vision of what love would be.  I thought I would get married, have kids, a house, a dog, and live happily ever after.  Later I realized the only thing you can truly count on is that life changes constantly.  This is how we grow and become the people we are challenged to be.  I don’t regret the 7 years I spent with my ex.  I know I had to go through that experience to become the woman I am today.  But now dating  in my 30’s I know I want to be with a man who can handle what life throws at us and come out on the other side still holding my hand.  Most people have read the story on Facebook about “Marriage not being for you”.  I could not agree more- it’s about what you put in and remembering to appreciate your partner for what they do for you. Having all this knowledge, I am more cautious about my time and my heart. 

When I first meet someone, I usually ask myself a couple questions: 1) Would he enjoy being a father?  2) Does he seem like the type of man that would honor a marriage?  3) Would he appreciate me?  What’s hard is it’s been so long since I’ve dealt with trying to figure out dating, I often have the “what ifs” going on in my head.  I am great at being in a relationship- it’s getting to that point that is so hard for me.  I enjoy the excitement of dating, feeling beautiful, and getting to know someone.  Being a single parent, my time is limited, so I do my best to make the most of every moment.  Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who are there to help when I have an occasional date night. 

In some ways I feel like I’m back in High School.  I have a curfew (babysitter), I can’t just pick up and go I have to make plans, and now in a way someone has to have the approval of my son or right now parents.  Because my son is so young I don’t worry yet about introducing him to people.  I want to see how they interact- can he be silly and play cars, will he be loving and patient, will he want to share his time with both of us…  Dating can be scary to open up your heart knowing you can get hurt but you’ll never know what’s waiting for you if you don’t.  For me dating before having my son was so hard.  All I could think about was how fast time was passing by and my dreams of being a mother were slipping through my hands.  When you want something so bad you can’t focus on what’s before you.  Now I’m able to sit back, relax, and enjoy the moments.  I know I don’t have to settle or rush into anything which is important when looking for love.

Through my dating journey I’ve met some great guys and guys I would rather forget.  It’s funny how when you are back in the single market you begin looking at guys everywhere you go the grocery store, the doctor’s office, FedEx guys…  You just never know where you’ll meet someone.  Then one day you meet someone and you can’t wait to see them again.  You begin getting to know each other and really having fun together.  Sometimes it’s a friend you’ve known for a while who knows you and knows what an amazing woman you are.  Often in society we are made to feel like we are not good enough.  That can’t be further from the truth- we are all special in our own ways.  You can’t expect others to see it till you believe it.  Be yourself and guys will notice. 

If you asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would’ve said an amazing wife and a wonderful mother.  That hasn’t changed.  I still want to share my life with someone, create a family, and make memories that will last a lifetime.  Don’t live for tomorrow because that day may never come.  Live for the moments that you have right now.  Bottom line when it comes to dating, take and learn from every date- he may not be the right for you but it will shape and prepare us for what’s ahead.